Bostik Matchday: Four Cheese Casuals run turns sour

Our Bostik Matchday feature this weekend should have come from Ship Lane, where Romford were entertaining AFC Sudbury. Boro, having just confirmed that they would be spending next season sharing with East Thurrock United- even further away from home- were searching for a much needed victory to close the gap on Cheshunt at the bottom of Bostik North, whilst AFC Sudbury manager Mark Morsley was hoping to quieten critics who had left a rude message in the snow covering his car after defeat against Potters Bar Town.

He was right to be annoyed, but he should also have been grateful that it wasn’t written in yellow letters.

Anyway, the important word in that first sentence is ‘should.’ The fact that we’re not coming to you from the home of Thurrock and Romford, despite looking forward to it immensely and despite two hours of pre-match research is, as usual, due to the M25. A one-and-a-half-hour delay on the approach to the Dartford Tunnel saw the Bostik-mobile (think Dick Dastardly with less hair and minus the snickering hound) take a slip road and head in the opposite direction, before dodging the queues outside of Chessington World of Adventures (it’s March, people. Honestly, have you no football to watch?) and bowling up at King George’s Field, Tolworth- home of those amateur wonders Corinthian-Casuals. Today they hosted a titanic struggle between second and fourth in the South Division; between a side who had won their last eight matches and another who had won their last two, their form improving remarkably after the announcement that they’d been granted planning permission for their own ground after years as Wanderers in every sense of the word.

The success of Corinthian-Casuals over the past few years, under manager James Bracken, has been nothing short of remarkable. It would be easy to write about clubs who have their players nabbed from under their noses by rivals who can pay far more in wages, but Casuals are in a worse state than that. Their amateur ethos means that they don’t pay any wages at all. If you play for Casuals, it effectively costs you money. And yet, under Bracken, the side in pink and brown have missed out on the playoffs due to a points deduction, lost on penalties in a playoff final, and now sat once more in an automatic promotion place, two points off top spot.

In an interview with this website in mid-November Bracken was asked about his loyalty to Casuals and whether it meant he was sacrificing his ambition. Surely, it was suggested, he must have had bigger and better offers; offers that would actually give him a budget and pay him a salary. His response was unequivocal. “I’ve never applied for a job in my life. I don’t have a CV,” he explained. “I dig holes for a living. I’m happy when I’m winning, and I’m winning, so I’m happy!” Given the number of victories recorded recently, kick off today must have seen him ecstatic.

The most important thing for today’s opponents, Wanderers, is obtaining that home of their own. This is the second time they’ve received planning permission for their new ground in Flamingo Park (no flamingos will be harmed in the construction), but the last time London Mayor Sadiq Khan took time off from supporting Dulwich Hamlet to throw a spanner in the works. Now, of course, he should support Hamlet- and goodness, they need his support at the moment- but hopefully on this occasion he’ll also support Cray, who want to build a facility that will be a true community asset on a patch of land that truly needs one. On the pitch, however, their form for much of the season had suggested they were favourites for one of the two automatic promotion spots, before they fell away from mid-January to mid-March, losing five of seven before finding their way once more. The top scorers in the league have also started finding the back of the net once more after their lean spell, with nine goals in their last two games. It all pointed to an exciting game in prospect.

Before the game we caught up with Wanderers fans John and Steven. They were both of the opinion that the improvement in form since the ground decision was not a coincidence, but also felt that the there was a good likelihood that both their side and Casuals would end up in the playoffs. After we spent a while waxing lyrical about the qualities of Charlie MacDonald they predicted 2-1 (John) and 3-1 (Steven) victories, although admitted that they’d be “happy with a draw- but don’t tell the manager.” They both felt that the match would be close, and entertaining, however.

The first half made them half right. It wasn’t enormously entertaining, but it was close. Although a better adjective might be tense. The difference, it must be said, was that when Wanderers managed to break free from Casuals shackles they used the ball better- and that that man MacDonald started like a man on a mission. Given how long he seems to have been around the former Stevenage, Crawley Town, Southend United and Brentford- amongst others- striker must be at least fifty (although Wikipedia says 37, but who ever believes that?), but in the first period he hared around the field like a man half his age (approaching 19, not 25). One moment he was on the left, the next he was jumping for headers with Casuals centre back Jack Strange, a man three inches taller, and winning them; the next he was helping out the midfield. It was his break, leaving the Casuals backline flat footed, that allowed him to pick out a cross for Junior Dadson to fire home in the tenth minute, and it was his pressure that regularly forced Casuals keeper Danny Bracken to kick long when he really wanted to pass short. It was a striking masterclass.

Casuals fans had divided themselves into two singing sections. One was behind the Wanderers goal, the other on the covered terrace adjacent to the main stand- the terrace that will, next week, become a seating area in preparation for Kingstonian’s arrival as tenants next season. It seemed strange that they weren’t all singing together, but it soon appeared that the two choirs had quite different characteristics. Let’s call them the “we’ve had a few drinks” section and the “we prefer cheese” section. The former relied on noise and enjoyed baiting the keeper. The latter injected a rather surreal humour into the proceedings, like a Tolworth version of Monty Python- only without the silly walks.

“We’ve got four cheeses, on our chips, we’ve got the most cheese in the league” the John Cleese section sang. “Your keeper, is older than me,” retorted their more inebriated brethren, but given that it was difficult from the other end of the ground to tell quite how old they were it was impossible to be certain whether Nick Blue was receiving a compliment or an insult. To be fair, neither choir was given much to sing about for much of the first 45 minutes, and Blue was hardly tested.

At half time Ben and Tom, wearing Casuals scarves but perhaps undecided about whether to have another beer or bring some crackers, given that they were not standing with either section, were not overly confident that the deficit could be recovered. Describing themselves as “occasional supporters for 25 years,” which they explained by pointing out that they were Fulham season ticket holders and came to King George’s Field when their other side was away, both were delighted with the clubs’ progress during the quarter-century they’d been watching, describing the current side as the best they’d seen. Despite that, they expected that it would be difficult to get back into the game given that Cray had “controlled most of the play.” It was made even more difficult within nine minutes of the restart.

Casuals started the second half energetically, and had been applying a great deal of pressure when Wanderers defender Jay Leader went down on the edge of the box after tangling with Gabriel Odunaike. Within a moment eighteen players were involved in a melee, and that came to an end only when the referee went to speak to his Assistant on the far touchline. The conversation took some time, and then the official returned, called over Odunaike, and brandished a red card. At this point all hell broke loose. Odunaike decided that his best course of action was to attempt to get at Leader, and before long every player on the pitch, most of the occupants of the bench and even a photographer were on the pitch trying to stop him. The Cheese Lovers were rather incensed by the red card and told the referee so, loudly, but at the same time berated their player for his aggressive reaction to the sending off. “We’re Casuals, we don’t do that,” called out one. Eventually after just over five minutes Odunaike was finally led from the field and the referee could get on with restarting the game- after dishing out two more yellow cards. Surprisingly neither of these was for the away keeper, who had been deeply involved in both episodes, and that annoyed the home faithful all the more, forcing them into singing “talk to the goalie, you’ve got to talk to the goalie.”

The referee obviously didn’t like the tune, as he took no notice.

And then, something even worse happened. The cry came that the Tea Bar had run out of cheese. Sack the catering manager! “Quattro Formaggio, Quattro Formaggio,” they sang, to the tune of ‘La donna e mobile,’ but no. There wasn’t even Uno Formaggio available.

Going down to ten men, and the perceived injustice of it, spurred Casuals to greater action- and yet, still, Blue was generally untroubled. The ball spent much of the time on the edge of the Wanderers box, but regularly the final ball was wretched, and when the away side did get it back they looked dangerous on the break. With eighteen minutes to go Bracken made an excellent save from MacDonald that, had it gone in, would have undoubtedly ended the game as a contest. At the other end that well-known exponent of cockney rhyming slang, Terry Murray, hit a shot over the bar. “Give us that one ref. It was close enough.” The Ref, once more, was unmoved. The atmosphere then became even more surreal. A shot from Aaron Rhule was expertly saved by Bracken. “Dado Rail,” came a shout from the crowd.

“What?”came the response.

“Sometimes shouting about decorative items helps.”

“When?”

“No idea.”

It didn’t help on this occasion, certainly.

The fourth official added five additional minutes, and this again exasperated the home support. “Are you going out tonight ref? Are you on a promise?” It did seem a little brief, certainly. “Mastic.” For a brief moment we all wondered if we had mistakenly arrived at B&Q, but then the final whistle went and Wanderers celebrated. The Casuals run was at an end, but they remained in second place courtesy of Carshalton Athletic’s inability to beat Guernsey at Colston Avenue.

There are three points between Casuals in second and Wanderers in fourth. Whilst it would be early to state that Lewes, five points clear after their 3-0 victory over VCD Athletic, were home and dry, a look at the table would suggest that there is hardly room to slip a Carr’s Water Biscuit between Casuals, Athletic and Wanderers in the battle for second place.

Two out of the three are likely to be in the playoffs. Which two, who knows. But if Casuals don’t manage to be crowned Kings of the South Division they can be sure, at the very least, that they’re a shoe-in for the role of Bostik Dairy Queens.