Moles, Robins and brass monkeys- Bostik Matchday

Back in 1814 the River Thames hosted the last of its famous Frost-Fairs. Oxen were roasted over roaring fires, printing presses churned out souvenirs, drink was taken in large quantities and there was reportedly more terrible dancing than on the first weekend of Strictly, whilst an elephant was seen to cross the river- although perhaps that was just the Dickensian version of a rail replacement service.

Fast forward one hundred and three years and at Walton Road, around three quarters of a mile from the river bank, we may have had no elephants but we did have Moles and Robins, meat and drink was served in large quantities, and if it wasn’t quite bitter enough for ice to form the temperature would certainly have forced even a brass monkey to search for thermal underwear. There was even a little terrible dancing from many in the ground, although in truth that was less about rhythm and more about circulation. Molesey were taking on Carshalton Athletic, fourth from bottom versus third from top. Friday night football in the Bostik South, and an audience who could have done with a roaring fire even if they weren’t too desperate for a slice of roast ox.

Did we mention it was cold?

Forty-five minutes prior to kick off the players emerged for their warm up, many in jackets buttoned up so high over their faces that they looked rather like a Mitre sponsored bandit. Almost everyone else was either in the bar or the boardroom, and as the PA announcer hit the play button the Athletic photographer warmed up by playing some solo air guitar to ‘We Will Rock You.’ There were few fans anywhere near the arena, but the away officials were rather confident- and it was easy to understand why.

With five wins and a draw from their last six matches Athletic were the form team in the division, and victory tonight would lift them into second place, a point behind leaders Lewes. Manager Peter Adeniyi, fresh from receiving the Mitre Manager of the Month Award, had named himself on the bench and although he had lost his betting.net Performance of the Month Award-winning striker Omar Koroma back to parent club Dulwich Hamlet seemed to have more than enough firepower left to make his side favourites. Molesey, however, had been hard to beat recently, picking up four draws from their last five matches without managing to register a win.

Molesey certainly didn’t start like a side lacking in confidence, and in the second minute they fashioned the first chance of the game. Some good passing interplay by the corner flag saw the ball then pulled back to Craig Lewington, who was moving towards the edge of the box. He connected well, but the ball flew a yard wide of the keepers right hand post. Athletic responded, and a cross to the back post saw Ashby Charles put the ball out of play for a corner, seemingly worried by the presence of Mickel Miller behind him. End to end, and that set the pattern for much of the first half.

By this point nine home supporters had taken up station behind Alex Kozakis in the Robins goal, whilst twenty-two Robins were behind Liam Allen at the other end. It was the magnificent nine who were initially given something to shout about, as a cross from Ryan David almost caught out Kozakis and they loudly claimed that the ball had crossed the line- it hadn’t- but the first moment of real drama came at the other end. A long ball forward landed in between Raheem Sterling-Parker and Allen, and both attempted to latch onto it. Neither really got to it, but both got to each other, and it seemed as if the keeper might have caught the striker- who went down in a heap, followed by his counterpart. The away bench complained loudly that it was a penalty, the referee looked disinterested, and play continued.

Six minutes later came the first real chance of the half. Ricky Korboa, one of five players who had decided to wear gloves (seven if you include the keepers!), then decided to change his footwear and came to the touchline to do so, but for some reason neglected to remove his knitwear and spent what seemed like an age fiddling with his laces. As he did so Molesey broke through Ashby Charles down the left, the full back filling the space that Korboa should have been occupying before crossing to Anthony Kozakis. The striker swung at the ball, but couldn’t quite find the target. Korboa remained on the touchline, and indeed took so long that you wondered if he’d only recently learned to tie up his own shoes.

The next chance again fell to the Moles, and again it was Kozakis who this time shot across the keeper but just wide of the far post, but soon the ball was back at the other end and Sterling-Parker was harassing the home defence, twisting and turning but not able to fashion a clear-cut chance. His chance was to come shortly, however.

With thirty four minutes on the clock Allen was sent a long back pass. As he went to clear, he slipped, and Sterling-Parker was on the ball like a flash, past the keeper. He then, unselfishly, looked to square it to Miller, who undoubtedly looked better placed, but it would have been better had he gone on alone because somehow his team mate had managed to get himself into an offside position. The goal gaped, the flag went up, and all that promise had come to naught. Naught was also the goal tally as the half-time whistle blew, and everyone wandered off to look for some form of heat.

The teams came back out to the sound of Rick Astley crooning ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’- this time there was no air guitar- and it was the home side that got the action Rick-rolling (sorry), as a cross from Reis Stanislaus saw Kozakis reach the ball ahead of the centre half but fail to really stretch the Athletic keeper. From then onwards, however, it was the Robins who posed most of the threat.

Allen first saved from Bobby Price and then from Jordan Cheadle as Carshalton pushed forward. The home supporters may have been smaller in number than their rivals but they made by far the most noise, and tried to inspire their side. “White Army, la la la,” they trilled, as a Sterling-Parker shot was deflected for a corner. “Woah, woah, woah,” they sang, pogoing up and down. “We are the Moles, we are the Moles,” and “West Molesey, la la la” quickly followed. Why the people of East Molesey were forgotten wasn’t fully explained. A chance fell to Robins centre back Danny Dudley but his shot was skewed wide, and at the other end Kozakis was quickly out to save with his feet when it looked as if Ashley Lodge might put the home side ahead against the run of play. Sterling-Parker then put a shot wide when he should really have scored, hugging the post in exasperation, and then Korboa brought another save from Allen as the Carshalton pressure continued.

Finally, as we approached the whistle Dudley once more was first to the ball in the Molesey box, but again could only put his effort wide of the post. The Robins fans now crowded near the exit groaned, the home supporters blew a cloud of relieved vapour into the night sky, and the game ended goalless.

The gents toilet isn’t normally a place you hear philosophy- although you may find it occasionally written on the back of the door- but at full time it was where the game was perhaps best summed up. “Do you think,” a supporter in the queue for the facilities said to his friend, “that there is a direct correlation between the quality of football and the weather? The lower the temperature, the worse it gets?” The response was somewhat drowned out by the operation of the hand dryer, but you had to think he might have a point.

On that basis, here’s hoping that Storm Caroline soon moves on, or we’re all in for a less than enthralling weekend.