Becks take the prize in a five-goal thriller

That first Saturday of the season. Replica shirts and lucky pants, dug out of drawers. Local pubs- visited. Long-held friendships- rekindled. Programmes- purchased and, occasionally, read. Burgers, piled high with onions- enjoyed. Teamsheets- debated. That first cold pint on the touchline- savoured. Optimism- at an all-time high.

And just for today:

Sun cream- applied liberally, especially on balding pates. Baseball caps- slapped on. Shade- sought. Cries of, “why is it this fecking hot”- everywhere. Those of us who had dreamed our whole lives of being footballers were- for once- not at all envious as the players of Lancing and Beckenham Town trooped out into thirty three degree heat at three minutes to three. Rather them than us. But of course, heat or not, we still expected them to put a shift in- either that or we expected them to melt into a large puddle on the 3G pitch, particularly by the far touchline, which was so short on shade that the dugouts had been insulated with tin foil to deflect the heat away.

Anyway, football was back!

If we were to measure the optimism we mentioned earlier, it would be fair to say that the lions share of it sat with those in the red corner. There was also a pride, a satisfaction in a job well done, and perhaps just a moment of “finally, we’ve made it.”

Town were about to kick off their first season at Step Four, but it has been predicted for rather a long time. Fourth place in the SCEFL for 2017-18 was a building block, 5th the following season, and then 2019-20 had them looking like champions-elect when the world crashed down around our ears. 2020-21 and their promotion again looked likely- until the campaign came to an even earlier end and it was Corinthian who were promoted, on points per game, by a margin so narrow you’d need a microscope and a fully equipped laboratory to track it down. Last season, however, there was to be no mistake. A transfer to the Combined Counties Premier South, a title battle with Walton & Horsham, and- eventually- both teams joining our ranks, Becks as champions, after amassing ninety two points and scoring one hundred and seven goals.

Their hosts were on season number two, having survived season number one by the skin of their teeth. There had been some fabulous moments- that first win, over Whitstable Town, five matches in; the four-three victory over Three Bridges, draws with promotion-chasing Ashford United and Haywards Heath Town, crucial victories over Sussex rivals East Grinstead Town and Burgess Hill Town- but there had also been moments when it looked as if Isthmian survival would be beyond them. That is wasn’t came down to cool heads in a relegation play-off, which ended in narrow victory over former SCFL rivals Newhaven. A major squad transition over the summer left us wondering what to expect from the Lancers- but a four-nil FA Cup win over Roffey last weekend, and a hat trick for Louis Veniti, delivered real cause for hope. Louis, a striker who was with Peacehaven & Telscombe last season but who came through the ranks at our very own Lewes, was wearing number nine today.

The other number nine was rather better known. Louie Theophanous was last in our league during 20-21, when he managed ten goals in ten games for East Grinstead Town. Prior to that he’d been prolific for Kingstonian, with eighteen in thirty matches during 2019-20, a more conservative twelve the season before, and had terrified opposition defences for the likes of Farnborough, Staines Town, St Albans City, Chelmsford City, Billericay Town, Woking and more. He also spent time performing as a body-double for Cristiano Ronaldo, but was apparently not used as a model for that CR7 statue at Funchal Airport. Indeed, looking at it, we’re not sure anyone human was.

As usual, Theophanous started the season with a goal, scoring in Becks FA Cup win over Horsham YMCA last weekend. Could he- or Veniti- continue as they left off? We were about to find out. “Right Here, Right Now,” just as the song playing in the background suggested.

The hosts got us underway, but almost immediately Theophanous was forcing a save at the other end, Conor Manderson out smartly to block and hold. The supporters, eschewing tradition, remained in the shade rather than heading to a position behind a goal, with only a dozen rather hardly individuals populating three quarters of the ground whilst everyone else sought shelter.

The opening stages were cagey, as you might expect; the pace anything but frantic- again, understandably. The hosts poked and probed, went short and long, whilst the visitors looked particularly for Freddie Nyhus, hugging the right touchline. Fifteen minutes went by with little to get excited about, and then the hosts scored. A cross from the left, and keeper Nick Blue, a South East promotion winner with Cray Wanderers, couldn’t quite get enough height in his jump and only managed to despairingly tip it into his own net. The celebrations were muted, but the Lancers were ahead. The goal was given to Tyrone Madhani, but in truth that looked sadly generous- Reece Hallard, whose cross did the damage, was a more likely candidate.

Could the visitors respond? In truth, we had little action of note at either end until the thirtieth minute, but the equaliser finally arrived, and it came to Theophanous, a tap in at the far post after excellent work from Jamie Humphris, who drove into the box and crossed perfectly for an easy finish. Town then seemed to take control, but it was a false dawn as they fell behind once more within five minutes. This one was was certainly Madhani, a thumping finish into the top corner from just inside the box leaving Blue with no chance- great composure , and a fine strike.

The reds made a change three minutes before the break, George Goodwin off, Luke Hedges on, as they piled on the pressure with two corners in quick succession and a dangerous free kick. Another corner, earned by Theophanous, saw some frantic Lancing clearances as we approached the break, and we moved into added time with all the pressure at the home end, but it came to naught and the whistle went.

The visitors were first out for the restart, looking determined, whilst the Lancers went through a warm up exercise, although you’d have thought they were warm enough.

Town earned a corner on fifty minutes, and it found the head of Nick Curdan but his effort went past the post. The pattern of the half, however, continued as it had in the run up to half time; Town pressing, the hosts looking dangerous on the break. Humphris was the first into the book for Town, and from the free kick a deflection found Marcus Allen, who shot narrowly wide, then at the other end Manderson pounced on a loose ball with Theophanous threatening. A double change, Curdan and Humphris off, Alfie Broomfield and Ishmagl Erskine on, the former to copious Peter Crouch comparisons whilst the visiting fans hoped they’d get to see him do the robot. We had half an hour left.

Tommy Boyle came close to extending the home lead, but, off balance after forcing his way into the box, could only shin the ball wide. At the other end, Archie Johnson could only cross the ball out of play after escaping his full back. Then there were twenty three minutes left, and we stopped for our third drinks break.

Almost immediately, Theophanous did everything but score. Inside the box, he turned his marker inside out, found space, but his shot cannoned off the bar. His touch and movement were sublime, but the reward remained elusive- though not for long. On seventy two minutes, Danny Waldron, who had been like human sandpaper for the ref all afternoon, met a ball on the edge of the box and volleyed emphatically home. “That moaning bloke scored,” exclaimed a home fan. And indeed he had.

After another drinks break we had fifteen minutes left to find a winner, the visitors looking most likely. The next chance, however, went to the hosts, but Boyle could only flick the ball into Blue’s outstretched arms. Boyle then chased down his defender superbly, went past the goalkeeper, was too narrow to shoot, crossed, Madhani came in, his shot was cleared off the line- and for all the visitors lions share of possession we were reminded that this match could still go either way. And then, a goal. A lofted forward ball for Beckenham, Manderson came out, realised he was outside his box, and chose to head- his header weak. Broomfield was first to it, and he lofted it over keeper and defenders into an empty net. Sadly we got no robot, but he was clearly- and understandably- delighted.

Lancing had five minutes to respond. They made two changes in quick succession, and applied pressure. Now it was Town hammering the ball clear, as six additional minutes were added- but they were never really threatened from this point onwards. Three points travelled back to Beckenham.

Our supporters, in their prediction series, suggested that the Lancers were relegation certs, whilst Beckenham were mid table probabilities. The hosts today pinned that prediction to the dressing room wall as motivation; a number of visiting fans questioned its accuracy. On the basis of today’s performances, there is enough about both sides to suspect that each may confound expectations come season’s end.

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