Hexit!

Earlier this week, Hastings United supporter and ‘German Comedy Ambassador to the UK’ Henning Wehn appeared on Question Time where he- as would be expected given we do nothing else these days- discussed the merits of Brexit. One of his suggestions was that the Referendum should have been run on a “best of seven” basis, an idea which we shouldn’t dismiss out of hand as it would undoubtedly make just as much sense as the playoff system we’ve got to look forward to at the end of this season. Moving away from satire, however, it may well be that Hastings United have been operating on a similar premise. If they manage to get promotion back to the Bostik Premier Division this season they’ll return seven seasons after they departed. Perhaps they’ve been deliberately delaying their promotion in the hope that the FA introduce a ‘Bostik Backstop’ which will stop them from ever being relegated again? You never know- perhaps they should suggest the idea on the side of a big red bus?

United are certainly set up for a higher level. They have an average crowd almost one hundred higher than any other club in the division apart from Guernsey- and better than all but seven clubs in the Bostik Premier- and one look around the venerable Pilot Field, with its massive grandstand and enormous covered terrace, shows a history that many of our clubs could only dream about. But being set up for a higher level and actually getting there are two dramatically different things, and recent form has caused worries amongst the home faithful. With only one win from their last six Hastings have gone from being the most likely challengers to Cray Wanderers to having to regain some form to ensure themselves of a playoff place. If the supporters are worried, however, manager Chris Agutter seems not to be.

Speaking to the Hastings Observer this week, the United boss seemed the very picture of nonchalance. Asked if he has any concerns about recent results, he explained:

“Not really. It is what it is. Only one of the top nine won on Saturday. The league is competitive.

It’s not easy. It’s a tough league to get out of, but what we’re doing is remaining calm; we’re not getting too stressed out by it. We’ve got a young group of players and it’s all learning experience really. People around us might be getting a bit twitchy and nervous, we’ll just be calm and remember we are where we are. We need to stay positive and that’s really the word to be honest. There’s no need for negativity. If anyone’s negative about what we’ve done this year, I don’t know what they’re expecting. I think we should be really happy about what we’re doing.”

Look deeper, and that’s not a difficult outlook to fathom. If the season were to have ended at three o’clock this afternoon, United, in third place, would be left in the highest league position they’d achieved since relegation. A win today over fourth place Haywards Heath could- dependent on results elsewhere- see them second again, and given the resources at Agutter’s disposal are dwarfed by those available to many of his predecessors, who were able to spend more yet achieved less, you can understand his perspective. Today’s United is a young side, a side still being built, still gaining experience, and perhaps performing better than expected. It’s also a side hit by injuries. And yet, you can also understand the concerns being expressed by some fans on message boards and social media, wondering whether the squad is strong enough to come successfully through the playoffs. That’s perhaps because early season form- ten victories from their first twelve matches- coupled with some excellent form towards the end of last season undoubtedly boosted their expectations. This is a fan base starved of success; give them a taste and suddenly they are hungry all of the time.

The supporters of the visitors today, Haywards Heath Town, have also been well-fed on success over the last few seasons, the difference being that their appetites have been more than sated. Promotion, cup victories, promotion denied on a technicality, more cup victories, promotion achieved, a run to the semi-finals of the Sussex Senior Cup (we think they lost to Burgess Hill Town in midweek, but the fog was so thick they might still be playing and nobody has realised), and sitting comfortably in fourth place in the Bostik South East Division- the last few years have been rather Alice in Wonderland for our visitors. Whilst everyone expected that their first visit to Step Four would go better than it had for their predecessors, Shoreham- to be fair, it couldn’t really have gone worse- very few people, even those around Hanbury Park, expected them to hit the heights they have since promotion. But with sixteen points from their last eighteen- better, even than Cray- it could even have been suggested that the visitors arrived at the Pilot Field today as favourites, not that manager Shaun Saunders would have thanked you for saying so.

We arrived at an overcast Pilot Field, but in the half hour before kick off the sun came out. Then Heath came out dressed in yellow, and it could almost have been summer- although only on the pitch, it was anything but warm in the cavernous grandstand. Heath got us underway, but it took only one minute for United to fashion the first chance, and for Heath forward Alex Laing- looking nervous after volunteering to play at left back- to feel the heat of Lanre Azeez. Two minutes later he was left in Azeez’s wake once more and conceded a free kick just outside the box, which was cleared desperately for a corner. The home side were certainly showing their intent.

A cross from Azeez saw the first real chance of the game in the 8th minute. He intelligently found Youseff Bamba at the far post, and the former Walton Casuals man forced Josh Heyburn to save well to his right, the rebound cleared away. Daniel Ajakaiye was the next to try his luck, his twisting and turning ending with a fall to the floor and a half-hearted appeal which the referee had no interest in- but the traffic was all one-way. Another Azeez cross, another corner, and Heath were living rather dangerously.

The speed of the United forwards was causing the away defence all sorts of trouble. On three occasions in quick succession the home side abandoned their usual close-passing rhythm to try a long through ball towards a runner, and twice Heyburn just got there first, but on the third occasion Bamba got past the keeper and was perhaps unlucky to find a defender blocking his way. The game was being played almost exclusively in the Heath half, with their forward battering rams of Andrew Dalhouse and Melford Simpson virtual spectators unless they were being called back to help out- rather successfully, it must be said- at corners.

For all that, Heath came closest to the opening goal. A loose backpass saw home keeper Louis Rogers having to scurry back and turn the ball around the post with his feet, conceding a corner. It would have been rather ironic if the first goal of the game had been scored by Heath without them actually creating a chance for themselves, but that’s almost what came to pass. Adam Lovatt looked mightily relieved, and rightly so.

The pace of the match had slowed down somewhat, and Heath began to feel their way into the game as we moved towards the half hour, but still the chances were all at the other end- Heyburn making another near post save, this time from Jack Dixon. And then, ten minutes before the break, the breakthrough- and it came to Heath. United had just wasted two corners, taking them short and losing the ball, when the yellows got a rare break. A lobbed pass saw Callum Saunders get clear of the defence, and their first shot on target was expertly placed past Rogers. The lead lasted one minute, and the equaliser was rather similar, Daniel Ajakaiye outpacing the defence to slot past Heyburn. The striker hardly celebrated, jogging quickly back to the middle as if he thought enough time had been wasted already, but quite a bit more was wasted before the break- the only notable action coming when Simpson fired a shot past the post for Heath and United wasted another corner by taking it short and losing it. The hordes headed to the bar, the players to the dressing rooms, and the sun to hide behind the grey clouds that had reappeared across the sunshine coast.

Four minutes into the second half, Heath struck again. Laing, who by now had come to terms with his left back slot rather well, lined up a free kick. He was a good twenty-five yards out, but he hit the ball sweetly and Rogers had no chance as it flashed past him into the net. It was a magnificent finish- but he had no time to stop and admire it. Within little more than a minute, Ajakaiye was once more charging into the box at the other end and firing an unstoppable shot across Heyburn into the net to level the match- his twenty eighth goal of the season, which is a rather spectacular return given it’s only the first weekend in March.

The away side threatened more in the first fifteen minutes of the second half than they had in the preceding forty-five. On fifty-seven minutes they had a goal disallowed for a foul on the keeper- rightly so- and at this point they absolutely deserved the parity they had, even if the balance of play had so far proved the old adage that there’s no point having the ball if you don’t do anything with it. A run from Trevor McCreadie saw him beat the keeper only to have his shot cleared just in front of the line, and a spell of yellow pressure followed. Hastings responded, and the match became stretched. The home fans, now ensconced in the big covered terrace behind the goal, began to sing Can’t Take My Eyes Off You. You could have said very much the same about the match being played out in front of them.

Mind you, the spaniel barking along in front of the main stand held the tune rather better.

As we approached the last quarter of an hour a spell of United pressure was ended when Bamba forced a diving save from Heyburn, and shortly afterwards we had the first change, Azeez coming off to applause to be replaced by Jordy Mongoy, a player with several goals in recent weeks so most definitely an attack-minded decision. Heath took the opportunity to bring on Omar Folkes for Dalhouse, very much like for like. Mongoy was soon in action, bringing another save from Heyburn, showing the same form he’d shown all afternoon. Could someone get a late winner?

Hastings were looking the most likely, but we’d been saying that all afternoon and they’d fallen behind twice. Ajakaiye got their next chance, with eight minutes remaining, but showed he was fallible after all by leaning back and ballooning the ball over the bar. United then wasted more attacking set pieces, showing the profligacy from dead ball situations that Chris Grayling shows when awarding ferry contracts- and then Heath only went and did it again! A long ball into the box, and Melford Simpson leant his considerable weight on the defender challenging him for the ball, who fell to the floor. Simpson retained his balance, and hammered home whilst the United fans in the stand yelled for a foul. They didn’t get one, and United would have to come back for a third time.

They tried. But then, in added time, Heath- on the break- put the game to bed. United had almost everyone up and keeper Rogers almost on the half way line when Heath broke. McCreadie got away from the defence, hared forward, and when about to be caught managed to toe-poke the ball home, which was the cue for many of the home fans to head to the exit. Heath may have had no more than thirty percent of possession, but they had sixty six percent of the goals.

If Hastings United get to leave the Bostik South East Division at the end of this season- if they are to achieve their own ‘Hexit’- they will, barring some kind of dramatic Cray implosion and form which makes them resemble Manchester City (or Hayes and Yeading United), have to do it via the lottery of the end of season playoffs. The last time they reached that stage, in 2017, Dorking Wanderers defeated them in a penalty shootout Semi-Final. Can they do better this year? It’s difficult to make a prediction, but there’s every chance that, with Horsham and Haywards Heath also looking to take their places in the lottery, we might have a seventy five percent chance of a Hexit in some form, with Ashford United looking to spoil that party.

Off the field, Hastings certainly look ready to make that step up. On it, with the young squad Agutter has put together, they should set up for a successful future, too.