Sparks and Chips!

Until early this year, when anyone mentioned South Park in conversation it tended to end up with someone singing a song about chocolate salty balls before shouting, “Oh my God, they killed Kenny!” And then, back in January, that changed. South Park FC from leafy Reigate planted themselves firmly on the football map, getting to the Second Round of the FA Trophy against former Football League club Tranmere Rovers, by which point they’d already despatched Guernsey, Faversham Town, Hastings United, National League South Oxford City and North Leigh. That they lost to Tranmere mattered hardly a jot- they were now recognised by a fair proportion of the nation as not being a collection of cartoon characters, but a fully functioning and rather lovely football club from Surrey.

Ending last season in 8th place in Isthmian South- their best ever finish- there were many around Whitehall Lane who felt that this campaign would be even better. Our season previewer Anne Rice- who promised that she had never interviewed a vampire- was confident that the Sparks would grab a play-off place, although the massed ranks of South Division supporters predicted another eighth place finish. As we entered this match they sat comfortably in fifth, although smarting slightly having gone down to a 5-0 midweek defeat at rivals Corinthian Casuals. Nobody had seen that coming, as the previous six matches had seen four victories and two draws, and that nobody included manager Malcolm Porter.

“We just didn’t turn up.” Speaking in the car park before today’s derby match with Chipstead he was frank about his side’s performance. “The first goal was a bit of a fluke- the keeper was deceived by a wicked bounce on the ball- but after that we got what we deserved- nothing. I expect us to be much better today, to come out and react to that poor performance by getting back on track.”

His attitude, however, was more philosophical than annoyed.

“In this league everyone will beat everyone else. There are so many sides of similar ability, and it will be very close at the end of the season. It’s important not to be too euphoric after a victory nor too down after a defeat. I expect us to make the play-offs as a minimum; I’ve got some good players here, some who would be capable of performing at the level above, and I want them to do that with us.”

Did he expect a home victory today?

“Chipstead were ahead twice against Carshalton Athletic midweek before losing 4-3. Anyone who finishes above Carshalton this season will win the league. If we turn up then we’ll be ok.”

That line about “expecting the play-offs at a minimum” had been repeated twice more, word for word, by two o’clock. It should perhaps be the club motto, inscribed below the badge on the shirts. The other culprits were Nick the club secretary and Eddie the gateman. Both were very positive about the club, as you’d expect, but also rather proud. Nick pointed out the club’s collection of pitches, spoke about the three senior teams, the youth teams from under 8’s upwards, the hard work done by a large number of volunteers and the fact that they’d “only been a senior club for eleven years and have bettered the previous season’s finish at the end of every campaign. If we do that again we’ll definitely be in the play-off places. “

Eddie had been at the club for far fewer years than Nick, but was similarly delighted with progress. He and groundsman/club president/former chairman/dyed in the wool clubman Colin were performing a comedy double act as the players arrived, winding up those who were almost late and running to avoid a fine, whilst collecting the poles that had been left out from an earlier training session “before someone uses them as javelins.” Colin was complaining that he’d have to miss the game to go to his grandson’s sixteenth birthday celebrations in darkest Kent, but it was quite clear that he wasn’t really complaining at all- he didn’t often miss his football and was at the club forty hours a week or more, so they could manage without him for one afternoon. Eddie had, until comparatively recently, been a bit of a local non-league nomad whilst travelling hundreds of miles every weekend to watch Blackpool, before distance and money got the better of him. It needs to be pointed out that he’d been watching Blackpool for fifty years, however- all from Redhill. He explained that he started supporting them at school and never stopped. “They were a glamour side then.” Anybody under 60 is now undoubtedly taking a deep breath and wondering how you could mention Blackpool and glamour in the same sentence. He also took time to reminisce about watching Stanley Matthews last ever match- “he retired too early, he was only fifty”- but his footballing love today didn’t play in tangerine. “This is a lovely club, and we’ve got a good side. We have to- you know what’s coming next- make the play-offs as a minimum.”

Trying to stop South Park’s march towards the play-offs, Chipstead had travelled the six miles from their High Road ground- avoiding the delights of the M25- fresh from being defeated by the odd goal in seven against Carshalton Athletic in midweek. It was a result which perhaps summed up their season so far, as they had been maddeningly inconsistent. Watching them warm up there seemed to be little sign of a midweek hangover; rather high spirits and a great deal of confidence. The home side were very much the same, and with the number of goals both sides have scored and conceded recently the spectators had high expectations of a high scoring game, which- as all football supporters know- meant it had nil-nil written all over it.

As the second half approached, nil-nil looked a very likely outcome. The two teams had spent the first half cancelling each other out. There had been chances at both ends- home keeper Callum Thomas had saved well from Alan Tait, Sparks striker Chris Smith had hit the post at the other end- but in the main what chances there had been had gone wide of the goal or over the bar. It had been hard fought, generally fair, but not particularly entertaining. What we needed was a Stanley Matthews, or perhaps a John Charles. Sadly we had neither, but we did have David and his friend Harold behind the goal, and David had a wonderful John Charles story to tell.

Neither of them were supporters of South Park or Chipstead. Instead they were Crystal Palace supporting non-league groundhoppers. “We always watch a non-league game when Palace are away,” explained David, “and we were going to go to East Grinstead Town, but we saw them play recently so we thought we’d come here instead. Good side, by the way, Grinstead.” Their attachment to Palace led to a discussion about which was better, the Premier League or non-league. There was no hesitation.

“When you watch football here, all the players just want to play. If they get tackled they get back up, there’s no rolling around. It’s not like that at the top level any more. This is far more enjoyable.”

David had been a non-league referee, he explained, for twenty years- although those days were long gone. It was during this period that he was lucky enough to officiate at Plough Lane, at a Southern League match between Wimbledon and Hereford- the Bulls being led at that point by the Gentle Giant. His eyes lit up as he told the story. “He was a big fellow, Charles, and the Wimbledon players made sure he knew they were there, if you know what I mean. He never flinched, no matter what they gave him. It was two-two, and the game was nearly over, when Hereford won a corner. Across went the ball, and Charles leapt in the air, connected beautifully, and in it went. They don’t make them like that anymore.”

At half time Chipstead boss Anthony Williams made a tactical change, taking off Callum Maclean for Tobi Adaje. It would turn out to be an absolute masterstroke.

Chipstead started the second half as they had the first, and Thomas had already made a great save from Tait before the breakthrough came. Thomas had seemingly picked up a hand injury- perhaps making the save- and had a few minutes of treatment before being fit enough to continue. He then slipped when taking a kick, and the ball went to Chipstead winger Leon Lalor-Dell, who reacted quickly and sprinted away from full back Adam Pullin. Just as Lalor-dell was about to get into the box the defender stretched out a leg, the attacker went down, and the game changed. Red card, and a free kick right on the edge of the area.

Adaje stepped up and took a long hard look at the wall which Thomas had arranged in front of him, then at the ball. And then, with barely a run up, he conjured a shot which curled away over the wall and into the top corner of the net, a goal from the moment it had left his boot. Those in attendance will be unlikely to see a better finish all season. Five minutes later, as if to prove it was no fluke, the same player met a pass from Lalor-Dell on the edge of the box and finished beautifully to double the away side’s advantage. It could have been three only five minutes later, as Sam Bell latched on to a forward pass from Lalor-Dell, took the ball around the keeper, but played it too far wide and couldn’t get a shot away. Bell, who had eight goals before today, should have had his ninth in the eightieth minute when he somehow managed to spoon the ball over an empty net from a distance of one yard, but he did get that goal in the eighty fifth minute, a good finish from a pull back from Ollie Twum.

By this point the ten men of South Park had a goal back, a great headed finish from Joe Jackson, but at three-one the game should have been as good as over. That it wasn’t was credit to Malcolm Porter’s team, as they kept up the pressure and then, a minute before the end, could and perhaps should have made it a nail-biting finish. The referee awarded a penalty for a challenge by away keeper Oliver Pain, and Chris Smith stepped up to take it, but the keeper guessed right, and saved both the spot kick and the follow up. The match ended five minutes later after further chances at both ends, but with the right outcome.

Speaking to Keith- a Chipstead fan- after the game, there was none of the play-off talk spouted by the home fans prior earlier in the afternoon. Indeed, Chipstead priorities were far more modest. “I want to finish mid-table. We’ve struggled too often in recent seasons, and when you’re near the bottom nothing seems to go right. I want a season of mid-table obscurity and some decent football, that would do me fine.” Pushed on whether, on the basis of today’s performance, he was perhaps underplaying the ability of his side, Keith wouldn’t be moved- but was rather complimentary. “I’m really confident in the squad. We’ve got just the right blend of youth and experience and although we’ve been inconsistent so far, it will come good. There’s some real quality and the management team have made a real difference since they came in half way thorough last season.”

As we wandered back to our cars or to our homes- nobody seemed to have come via public transport- the away supporters were understandably jubilant, but there was no panic amongst those in red, and rightly so. Whilst Chipstead deserved the win, when there were eleven players on each side the teams had been well matched. One poor kick, one quick break, one rash tackle and one moment of absolute brilliance- on such small margins are matches decided. Chipstead were excellent after the goal, whether they’d have been so dominant against eleven players, who knows. There was no reason to dismiss the hopes of Malcolm, Eddie and Nick and write off their chances of achieving the play-offs, although there was perhaps reason to believe that if the Chips could find some consistency they might not be too far away either.

Sparks 1, Chips 3, both clubs move on with hope, and nobody died.

Not even Kenny.